This autumn is my 4th anniversary of OCD recovery. I feel better than I have in years and find myself with very few symptoms at this point in my life. It has been a very hard road to recovery from OCD, which in my opinion, was a reaction to trauma in my childhood.
What is OCD or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? I can't explain it better than the OCD Institute can here.
There are many different kinds and forms of OCD, but for me, I had cootie-itis. Germs or perceived germs completely freaked me out for most of my life. I constantly cleaned things for fear of 'getting something'. People frightened me because they may want to shake my hand or worse yet, hug me. I have been known to come home after someone hugged me and take a shower, many times over, bleach my clothes and everything that they touched.
My obsessions didn't seem like much of a problem until the last 10 years or so. I was just known as 'the clean one', kind of a noble reputation if you ask me. But as life's stresses began to grow in my life, I found myself less able to control the OCD as it began to boss me around more and more. I had to jump through more and more hoops to satisfy it's requirements to be 'clean'. I would freak out at the grocery store if someone who looked 'suspect' to me touched my baby in the cart. The baby would get a good bath and once again, I would bleach their clothes. (I probably should bought stock in Clorox)
I could go on and on, but my biggest problem seemed to be with bathrooms, any bathroom....but my own.
I was convinced that someday, somehow I would get AIDS or some disease from the toilet seat. I've read all the articles and evidence how that can't happen, but OCD doesn't believe any of that. OCD keeps asking, "But what if???" and never lets you rest. I carried my own wipes or toilet paper in my purse, but it was never really enough. The germs were on the door handle, on the sinks and I couldn't escape. I would itch all day long until I showered. The germs could jump off the toilet on to me, or worse yet, what if some part of my clothing brushed against the toilet somehow? And worse, w/o my knowledge?? What if I gave something to my husband? Then I would be blamed for promiscuous behavior and no one would believe me.
See how it just takes over?? It started out slow, with excessive hand-washing. However, OCD soon took over, that is why I've decided to 'come out of the closet' with this.
I feel that there are a lot of people suffering with OCD and don't realize it. More and more people are being diagnosed with it and I'm glad to see it. It CAN be overcome, if you really want recovery. You have to work HARD at it, really hard. It's painful and lonely, but it can be done. Sometimes medication can get you going on a program that you couldn't do otherwise. Don't be ashamed if you need meds for a while or forever.
The church has and continues to be very slow to catch up to the emotional needs of it's congregations. People like me, Christians like me feel judged and shamed. If we prayed enough, if we believed enough, if we just spoke scripture, etc, etc......I was made to feel crazy and like a failed Christan! Nothing could be further from the truth! Christ came to save me AND my mind, I didn't need to hide from Him!
I'll step off my soap-box now, however, if you feel like I'm talking about you, take a look at the OCD Foundation website. They also have a website for teenagers here. Remember, children of OCDer's often have OCD too.
If you need to talk more, I'll invite you to contact me at morriskelly62@yahoo.com. I'm no professional, but I've been there.
Take care,
Kelly
What is OCD or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? I can't explain it better than the OCD Institute can here.
There are many different kinds and forms of OCD, but for me, I had cootie-itis. Germs or perceived germs completely freaked me out for most of my life. I constantly cleaned things for fear of 'getting something'. People frightened me because they may want to shake my hand or worse yet, hug me. I have been known to come home after someone hugged me and take a shower, many times over, bleach my clothes and everything that they touched.
My obsessions didn't seem like much of a problem until the last 10 years or so. I was just known as 'the clean one', kind of a noble reputation if you ask me. But as life's stresses began to grow in my life, I found myself less able to control the OCD as it began to boss me around more and more. I had to jump through more and more hoops to satisfy it's requirements to be 'clean'. I would freak out at the grocery store if someone who looked 'suspect' to me touched my baby in the cart. The baby would get a good bath and once again, I would bleach their clothes. (I probably should bought stock in Clorox)
I could go on and on, but my biggest problem seemed to be with bathrooms, any bathroom....but my own.
I was convinced that someday, somehow I would get AIDS or some disease from the toilet seat. I've read all the articles and evidence how that can't happen, but OCD doesn't believe any of that. OCD keeps asking, "But what if???" and never lets you rest. I carried my own wipes or toilet paper in my purse, but it was never really enough. The germs were on the door handle, on the sinks and I couldn't escape. I would itch all day long until I showered. The germs could jump off the toilet on to me, or worse yet, what if some part of my clothing brushed against the toilet somehow? And worse, w/o my knowledge?? What if I gave something to my husband? Then I would be blamed for promiscuous behavior and no one would believe me.
See how it just takes over?? It started out slow, with excessive hand-washing. However, OCD soon took over, that is why I've decided to 'come out of the closet' with this.
I feel that there are a lot of people suffering with OCD and don't realize it. More and more people are being diagnosed with it and I'm glad to see it. It CAN be overcome, if you really want recovery. You have to work HARD at it, really hard. It's painful and lonely, but it can be done. Sometimes medication can get you going on a program that you couldn't do otherwise. Don't be ashamed if you need meds for a while or forever.
The church has and continues to be very slow to catch up to the emotional needs of it's congregations. People like me, Christians like me feel judged and shamed. If we prayed enough, if we believed enough, if we just spoke scripture, etc, etc......I was made to feel crazy and like a failed Christan! Nothing could be further from the truth! Christ came to save me AND my mind, I didn't need to hide from Him!
I'll step off my soap-box now, however, if you feel like I'm talking about you, take a look at the OCD Foundation website. They also have a website for teenagers here. Remember, children of OCDer's often have OCD too.
If you need to talk more, I'll invite you to contact me at morriskelly62@yahoo.com. I'm no professional, but I've been there.
Take care,
Kelly

































